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Willow looked across the kitchen table at Xander. They were at her parent’s house; Xander was helping her pack for a trip she was taking with her mother.
"You should go." Willow told him seriously.
"Where?" He asked, knowing she was right. He couldn’t stay in Sunnydale forever.
"L.A." Willow answered, as if it was obvious.
"No." Xander stood up and moved out into the living room.
"Xander." Willow sighed and followed him. "I know things were complicated with Angel, before, but…"
"But what?" He asked, turning to face her.
"You were happy then." She said honestly.
"It was a lie." Xander said quietly.
"Bullshit." Willow shook her head and smiled sadly. "Now is the lie."
"Excuse me?"
"Xander you’re miserable. You hate that you haven’t found something you really want to do. You hate your family, you hate this place, and your relationship with Anya is a joke."
"Anya’s okay." Xander said, latching on to the only topic that had any hope of sounding even remotely valid.
"Yeah, Xander, she’s okay. For someone else." Willow sighed. "Face it, Xan, girls were never your strong suit, unless they were friends, unless they were safe." She stepped closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Girls like Buffy and Cordelia…and me were safe. There was no real threat to you. Either you knew it would never happen, or you knew it wasn’t serious, that you wouldn’t get stuck propagating the lie that you’re straight, when you’re not." She paused a second. "If it hadn’t been Angel, it would have been someone else." She looked steadily at him. "It probably was someone else."
"Can we not discuss my sex life?" Xander asked, stepping away from her, not in the least inclined to talk about his past relationships, with either sex.
Willow sighed again, letting him move away. "The point is, we’re not the same people we were five years ago. I’m not the same girl who was willing to do anything, be anything for approval. And you’re not the same guy who didn’t believe he was worthy of… of anything, something…everything.
"You know you can be loved. You know you are." She looked across the room at him, her eyes pleading him to hear her. "I don’t want to go back there, be that person, and you shouldn’t either."
"I don't." Xander said softly. "But I can’t go to L.A. What Angel and I had… well it wasn’t anything." He turned away, not wanting Willow to see his face. "He doesn’t love me, and I don’t… I just don’t."
Willow walked across the room and turned Xander around to face her. "Okay." She knew he was lying, knew that Xander knew it too, but let it go. He wasn’t ready yet. Maybe he never would be.
"Are you coming back?" Xander asked suddenly. "You’re only supposed to be gone a few weeks."
Willow shrugged. "My mom said two weeks, but you and I both know that it’ll take half that long before something else comes up." She smiled a bit sadly. "It’s okay. I just need to get out of Sunnydale."
"Are you coming back?" He asked again.
"Maybe." She shrugged again. "Maybe I’ll find something else. Maybe I’ll find myself."
She looked up at Xander, her face serious once more. "But regardless of what I find, or don’t find, you need to go."
"You think I need to find myself?" Xander asked with a grin, looking around the room, as though he lost something.
"No. You know exactly who and where Xander Harris is." She told him without humor. "But I think you need to quit hiding him."
Xander sighed and sat in a chair, picking up a shell-shaped candle off of the table, and moved it around in his fingers. "I’ll think about it."
"Good." Willow walked up and pulled him to his feet. "C’mon. I still have two bags to pack, and my mom will be here in an hour."
"All right, all right, I’m coming." Xander tossed the candle onto the couch absently and followed her up the stairs.
The candle hovered in the air for a second before falling onto the couch cushions.
read the Sequal 'Wesley's Wild & Wacky Demon Hunting Adventures' (not up yet)